If Smiles Could Kill
by Mournful Wolf
Summary: Lee overbrushes his teeth and before he knows it he blinds Neji...and made Tenten's ears pop, now they have to travel to the Youthful Frontier to get the Elixir of Youthful Exhiliration, which is the solution to all their problems...or could it be?
1. Prologue

**My second fanfiction work! This is my first time doing something on Lee, so if he's out of character, and this story disappoints you, I'M VERY SORRY.**

If Smiles Could Kill

By Mournful Wolf

**Prologue**

There was once one ninja in the village of Konoha who actually care about how white and radiant their teeth were. You probably would have guessed it: Gai; rival of Kakashi, Lee's idol, and the only ninja sporting a bowl-cut style hair and bushy eyebrows. Well, not anymore, when Lee was finally taught under him. In only a few months after graduating from the academy Lee became a miniature version of his sensei, even taking his habits of that beaming smile and that audible "ping!"

And kami knows what kind of toothpaste they use to keep their teeth in top form. Konoha doesn't exactly major on their industry and technology to create premium toothpaste…but nevertheless their smile never seemed to lose its broadness and their teeth were never tinged with yellow…until THAT day…and that day is this story…


	2. Overbrushing It

**Our lovely story begins itself, telling of THAT day…**

**Chapter 1: "Overbrushing" It**

The day began harmlessly; a wonderful spring morning filled with the songs of skylarks and flowers tinged with dew. Every ninja in Konoha woke up feeling refreshed after an exhausting night. But no one felt as joyous and youthful like Rock Lee, part of the Team Gai and student to Gai. Like his teacher, Lee truly believed in the "youth of springtime" and he felt like boxing and sparring off some swift uppercuts and low kicks. But Gai suggested: "Why don't we eat out with everyone else at the Ichiraku Ramen Bar? Now would be a great time to socialize with others!" Tenten was delighted at this, of course, Neji says nothing, and inwardly Lee sulked. For the whole day he planned to refine his taijutsu moves to get the springtime energy and youth in his veins. Nevertheless he didn't object to his idol. The team went into the village square of Konoha to reach the ramen bar. Team Kakashi, Asuma and Kurenai were already at the seats; they had just finished ordering their breakfast.

"Lee-kun! Good to see you!" Naruto waved from his seat at the bar.

Despite his gloominess, Lee managed a bright smile. His spirits lifted a bit when he heard the "ping!"

"Hey Naruto. It's a fine springtime, isn't it?"

'Wrong, today is a bummer…' his conscience voiced in his head.

Lee took his place between Naruto and Kakashi, Tenten sat with Sakura and Hinata, and Neji was off in the far side of the bar next to Shino. While everyone else was chattering and greeting one another, Neji and Shino just exchange glances and never spoke a word.

The manager noticed the new customers, and he grinned a wide grin.

"Hello, chums! What would you like this morning?"

"Champon ramen(seafood), please!" Tenten piped up.

"Tsuke-men(dipping noodles), sir.And have it chilled." Neji said quietly.

"Fine with me! And you,good-looking ninja with a nice bowl-cut?"

"Er---maybe some ramen with beef, not too much on the spice." Lee replied absentmindedly.

The manager clapped and rubbed his huge hands.

"With pleasure!" he reached behind the kitchen door and called: "Three more orders comin' your way; champon, chilled tsuke-men and not-too-spicy beef ramen!"

And because the service at the bar was so efficient, the steaming bowls of ramen arrived in no time. Chouji got the largest bowl, topped off with hunks of Korean barbecue. Without further ado he plunged his face into the bowl and shoved the noodles down like a pig. "I hope this tastes better than the ones back in the other restaurant!" he said through the noodles he was ferociously chewing. Naruto also tucked into his ramen rapidly, although he was more experienced in eating ramen and he didn't make much of a mess with his bowl. "Mmm-mm…so good…" he mumbled.

Meanwhile the kunoichis were talking and gossiping more than they were eating, the jonin talked in a casual manner about their students and their life when they are not teaching. Of course, all Gai talked about was how "wonderful" and "talented" and "remarkable" Lee was, how he is a ninja with great potential and youth, etc. And to Team 7's annoyance, Kakashi excuses himself to the bathroom in order to escape the public and from eating with his mask off.

Lee found himself liking more and more of the ramen he was eating. He savored the taste of the steaming meat, the lush vegetables, the ramen that was indescribable to be told.

Naruto leaned toward him, nudging his ribs.

"Like it, huh?"

This time, Lee gave a real beaming smile and a thumbs-up.

"Yeah! We should come here more often! Nothing like a bowl of ramen to rejuvenate your youthful spirit!"

Suddenly the whole bar plunged into a sudden silence.

'Oh boy, did I say something wrong; that this was better than taijutsu routines-?'

The awkward silence continued for about 5 or 6 seconds, and finally Naruto stammered: "…..Lee…_you have spinach stuck in your teeth."_

Kiba, Shikamaru, the smug-faced Neji, and even Shino leaned forward to peer closer. Tenten avoided her eyes from Lee's own, and she said: "Naruto's not kidding, you really _do _have something in your teeth…"

But that was impossible! His teeth were his treasure, _his baby; _he took great care in brushing, flossing and examine everyday in the mirror before leaving for the day. His teeth were pearly white, unstained, no gaps or gingivitis in his gums; they were perfect. That is, until now. That piece of spinach must be really elusive and tough to get between Lee's teeth.

He flushed a fiery red, and slipped off of the stool, mumbling: "'Scuse me…I'll be back soon.." And without another word he dashed down the road, his hand over his mouth and speeding headlong to his house. He zoomed through the door, dashed upstairs, stumbled into his bathroom, and there he saw it: a big, green, ugly piece of spinach embedded between his perfect teeth. He panicked, he worried, but he remembered he had his arsenal in full brigade. Gripping his trusty toothbrush and toothpaste in the other, he glared at his reflection in determination.

"Duty calls to rid the world of this abominable piece of vegetable!"

He reloaded his toothbrush with toothpaste armed with fluoride, and brushed it furiously over the spinach. He repeated his routine and procedure: up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, up, down, left, right, up and down his molars, AND FINAL DASH ON THE FRONT TEETH! Now he equipped himself with mouthwash, and rinsed it in his mouth until it stung with the minty flavor. He spat out in the sink so hard some mouthwash gunk got up in his bushy-browed eyes.

Then, after many minutes of flossing, he smiled at the mirror.

PING!

A blinding white flash filled the room, and just as it had appeared, it was gone when Lee closed his mouth. He was satisfied with his impassioned efforts; the spinach is no more.

**Heh heh…maybe I exaggerated on the brushing part…but hey, it's humor, isn't it? As usual, reviews appreciated! What happens next to our hero with perfect white teeth will be Chapter 2: coming up!**


	3. If Smiles Could Kill

**Chapter 2 is now up! Surely it has to be the end of the story? Wasn't the piece of spinach gone, and Lee doesn't have to worry anymore? The troubles get deeper when he finds out the troubles are within himself….**

**Chapter 2: The Smile That Kills**

Lee stepped out of his house, overjoyed the monstrous piece of spinach is gone from his teeth and his life. He headed back to the ramen bar and most of the people were gone, except for Team Gai and Shino. Naruto and Chouji apparently ordered seconds when Lee was gone. When the group saw him coming, their eyes were filled with curiosity and interest. Neji still looked smug and scornful; a smirk still lingered on his face as he eyed Lee.

"Well Lee…is that horrible piece of vegetable abolished? Exorcised by a monk?" The smirk grew wider on his face. "Now you know to think twice before eating ramen."

Dislike for Neji bubbled inside him once again. He opened his mouth to argue, and his teeth flashed in the afternoon sun.

PIIIING!!!

Because of that incredibly blinding flash, the event went by too fast for anyone to remember, so I will tell it according what is supposed to happen: Because Shino has sunglasses, of course, he didn't find the flash that damaging, Tenten was too busy daydreaming about how sexy and incorrigible Neji is, so therefore, she too did not see the flash. Neji, however, unfortunately happened to keep on smirking at Lee so when Lee's mouth opened, it sent the poor Hyuuga ninja in a world of pain.

"ARRRRRRRRGH!!! WHAT THE----MY EYES!!!"

His hands flew to his severely damaged pupils and continued his screeching swearing dirge as he fell off his stool and writhed pitifully on the ground. Right beside him Tenten jumped out of her seat when Neji screeched in pain practically right in her ear. Poor Tenten's ears popped, and could be heard by everyone around her. I would say the sound would be compared to the sound of a cork coming off from a wine bottle. Shino's eyebrows were cocked ever so slightly as he watched Neji squirm on the ground like a dying snake and Tenten rubbing her sore ears. He finally looked at Lee, who looked bemused and utterly confused of what was going on. Lee was about to open his mouth and ask: "What in heck is going on?" when Shino threw himself at Lee and covered his mouth with both hands. Lee cried out and struggled against Shino's grip on his face, but for a shady ninja Shino had arms of steel. Neji staggered to his feet, his hands still over his eyes. He uncovered his face and his mouth dropped open in panic.

"I---my eyes---I can't see---I really AM blind---." He held out his arms in front of him to feel and reach for something to support him from falling. Tenten couldn't help but giggle at Neji's sudden retarded condition. Yet the thing is: _she can't hear herself giggle. _And when she found that out, she pulled at her ears, screaming and ranting like a madwoman. She still couldn't hear herself. Suddenly it seemed the world was like a movie from the 1900's; animated, but no audio. Tenten stomped up to Lee, her pretty face a dark cloud of rage. Lee has seen Sakura like that, but he never imagined Tenten with a temper.

"You see what you did now!? Your overly bright teeth blinded Neji, which led to having my ears popped and my life spiraling downward like a whirlpool. I can't take this! I just can't!"

Tenten didn't hear Lee's reply nor did she heard what she just said, so she continued on in an angry senseless drabble.

"Yeah, and I can remember being in Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. The question that won us the friggin' jackpot: how much does the average person brushes his teeth? And you raised your friggin' hand and you said 'It'd be 365 days times 3 times you brush your teeth: morning, afternoon and night, which is 1095 times in total for a whole year!"

The rest of her drabble ended up in a load of gibberish , and if you were a visitor or tourist in Konoha, you would find the sight of a ninja rolling on the ground, a ranting kunoichi and a shady hooded figure practically strangling Lee a very strange spectacle indeed.

Shino looked at each of them for a while before saying:

"So let me get this straight: Neji is severely blinded, Tenten is deaf, and Lee cannot speak on his behalf due to his teeth. If you three really want to free yourself from these conditions, I know the solution."

Lee perked up and looked as if he was going to answer, but Shino's fist at his gut kept his mouth shut. Neji clung onto a stool from the ramen bar and squinted in the direction from which the voice came from.

"Well--? Tell us what it is…"

Tenten didn't catch on the conversation, so she continued throwing dire threats at Lee at full volume. Shino had to raise his voice as high as he possibly could over Tenten's dirge.

"Out on the farthest points of the Youthful Frontier, there are the Springs of Youth, pure water that can rejuvenate you in an instant. And somewhere deep in the lake there is an elixir that contains liquid that purifies the youth in your bloodstream, hence forth its name the Elixir of Exhilarating Youth. It has so much energy in it, the liquid in your body can cure even the worst of diseases." Shino shrugged. "It's only a legend passed down by countless ninja only to entertain, and I for one will not try to get involved with such folly. That is why it's perfect to let you three go find it for yourselves."

Shino dropped Lee to the ground, and he removed the headband from his waist and tied it around Lee's mouth. Then he helped Neji up and Neji had to smack Tenten to quiet her down. Shino turned to leave, calling back:

"I'll go get Akamaru as your guide dog, Neji. Until then, you manage by yourselves."

Lee sweatdropped when he saw a poster near a charm booth that said: "Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil."

Meanwhile Shino went to a partyhouse to tell everyone what had happened with Team Gai, and the whole house was rocking and roaring with laughter. Lee and Neji pretended not to hear as they walked back home, whereas Tenten cocked her head curiously at the house as they passed by.


End file.
